Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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