Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
