I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
