I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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