She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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