i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
