ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
