Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
