Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
