well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you would pick up someone in the library
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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