I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
