At least make sure they are 18
Why
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
