i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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