we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
