i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
