Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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