Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize