did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
