Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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