"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
