two words...techno handjob
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
