Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
