Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum