I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...