Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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(586): if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/wvv2

Replies (0) Good night (1597) Bad night (669)
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(512): View more from Texas

i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a

Replies (205) Good night (40995) Bad night (3680)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.

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(901): I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game. http://tfl.nu/7tak

Replies (15) Good night (698) Bad night (2451)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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(423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc

Replies (18) Good night (2658) Bad night (1651)
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(206): View more from Washington

If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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(206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko

Replies (41) Good night (8880) Bad night (1069)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e

Replies (44) Good night (7473) Bad night (1973)
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(631): View more from New York

You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

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(631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2

Replies (44) Good night (4692) Bad night (2935)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

(213): View more from California

so that means christmas in space?

(781): View more from Massachusetts

imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

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(781): my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop (213): so that means christmas in space? (781): imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi http://tfl.nu/5ssx

Replies (14) Good night (7209) Bad night (1413)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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(201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe

Replies (8) Good night (2899) Bad night (1036)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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(203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g

Replies (1) Good night (1671) Bad night (757)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that

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(504): You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that http://tfl.nu/k4ts

Replies (6) Good night (1392) Bad night (705)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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(901): My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume. http://tfl.nu/vvcp

Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (416)
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(571): View more from Virginia

Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter

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(571): Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter http://tfl.nu/fvpm

Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (414)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.

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(803): I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits. http://tfl.nu/etyq

Replies (5) Good night (509) Bad night (663)
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(905): View more from Ontario

So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?

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(905): So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose? http://tfl.nu/yuqf

Replies (12) Good night (384) Bad night (1354)

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