I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
