So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
