You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
