Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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