And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
