On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
