as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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