Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize