I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
