my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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