i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
