Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she told me i tasted like america
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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