ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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