You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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