some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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