As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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