Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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