Are we in a gay sports bar?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
