if only i could text you this smell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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