You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
