I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize