I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
