"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
