I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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