Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
