I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
