you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
