if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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