There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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