it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
