I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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