loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
