You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
