Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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