I wish my penis had an off switch
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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