tell your sister to shave her snatch
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
