New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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