and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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