a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
