ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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