so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
