If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
