I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
