Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize