i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize