Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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