do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
