Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Couch. On fire.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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