My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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